Monday, February 8, 2010

Man and Gentleman

What is a man? According to Webster's, it is a person of the male gender. A adult, a human being, or even a valet. If you scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page, there it is, in italics:
obscure: of manly character and courage.
OBSCURE. Well that's pretty disappointing!
What happened to all the men? Seriously, where have they gone? I did a little pontificating and here's what I think happened...
Let's take a look at our nation's history:
The first Native Americans were pretty Manly. If they weren't Darwin kicked their asses and they died and failed to breed.
Then the Explorers came. And a few Vikings. And some pirates. All pretty Manly; so far so good.
Then came the Pilgrims. Yes, they were delicate and Puritanical and weird, but they were hearty and split logs and hunted and fished and slaughtered. All fine and manly.
The Men who fought for our nation's Independence from England- also very manly. Imagine laying your life down for an ideal that doesn't even exist yet. Just fighting for the freedom to forge your own dream. Pretty damn Manly.
Fast forward through the hunters and trappers and the Spanish-American War, and some insanely manly Pioneers who packed their families in wagons and fought their way across a fucking desert, traveling 3,000 miles into what could have been the end of the earth to find a better life. Very Manly.
Settlers, Gold Rush, Manifest Destiny. All Manly. Think about cowboys and cattle rustlers. Leather chaps and sweaty, foamy horse hides. Desert heat and beard stubble and coffee and hard tack.
Then the Civil War era came around. No matter which side a man fought for, he fought for what he believed in. Even if it was as stupid as imprisoning another man to preserve a way of life. Those racist ignorant assholes will always have a soft spot in my heart- they were wrong. But they were still Men.
And the boys in Blue, fighting to preserve the Union and ultimately bring about Abolition- hooray! A new generation of Black Men begin to forge their identity as Men and not property.
Then the Great War. Men, men, men.
WWII. Pretty fucking manly. I cannot fathom the courage it would take to storm a beach or save Private Ryan. I couldn't do it. But this was what is done- it's what is expected from a man. Fight for what is right. Fight for someone who is suffering. Be brave and don't be afraid of death- you will die a hero. Glory, glory glory...
The Civil Rights movement- pretty Manly as well. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was more than a Man- and he inspired others to become Men- again, fighting for a cause. Bravery. Strength.
Vietnam was also around this time. I blame this war for pretty much setting the precedent for fucking up our Men. In our nation's quest for tye dye and free love and peace and flower power and pot, the Men got lost...
Somewhere along the 60's and 70's, all the Men went to Vietnam and either died fighting for Democracy or came back as shattered shells.
If Vietnam herself didn't wipe out all the Men, the Vietnam Era began the slow downfall. Before Nixon, really, the government was thought of as somewhat infallible- like a pope. When people thought Politics and the President, they thought of George Washington, John Adams, Lincoln, Eisenhower, FDR and a beloved JFK. All very manly.
Then Nixon cracked the facade- we saw the man behind the curtain, and we saw our men fighting, doing what men do, for a cause that polarized our nation. We weren't sure if we were doing the right thing, dying for the right reason- it wasn't so clear cut any more and suddenly burning a draft card seemed like a terrific idea. Hippies were born. The Men were fading away...
With the 60's came some amazing music, and the women, starving for Men, replaced their ideals of Manliness with rock stars. Since not all men can rock, dressing and acting like a rock star became the new "manliness." People seemed to forget that rock stars are still just people singing. And singing is not manly. It's romantic- it's sexy- but it's not manly.
This confusion lead people to fill the void left by the Men with what you see in your stockfootage of the 80's. These Ken Dolls are just that- dolls dressed up like men but lacking the fortitude and substance behind the posing.
The 90's were just a confused clusterfuck. Think of The Man from the 90's. I guarantee most of you said Kurt Cobain. Well, here's a newsflash: Kurt Cobain couldn't handle the pressures of celebrity so he let his addictions overpower him, pussed out and shot himself, leaving a child fatherless. That is not what Men do. To compound the problem, technology advanced to the point where a lot of manly skills are obsolete. Cars replaced horses, so the cowboy ingenuity got transmutated into mechanical knowhow. The grandsons of the Industrial Revolution can still fix an engine. Then, computers replaced engines. The nerds outsmarted the Men (shocker) and today's generation of so'called "men" cannot tell if their car needs oil or not because it's too complicated. Most guys today would rather spend the money to take their cars to a mechanic because their fathers could teach them how to change a fan belt, but not how to disassemble an engine block. So the mechanics butt-rape them, and that's not manly either.
A new freakishly twisted view on "Manliness" is computer skills. Ladies, that's pathetic. It's a valuable skill, but it's not manly at all. It's sad that guys are generally better at computers than girls, too. We're all waiting for our Knights in Shining Armor and they're busy playing WoW. Pick up the game, women- we don't have to let the guys hoard all the technical savvy anymore. It's not manly- it's just really useful.
Now here we are in glorious technicolor 2010. Yayyy confetti and champagne! ...But where are the men?
Gone, gone gone. Blown away by shrapnel, pleather and silicon. Today's "man" feels no obligation to protect anything but himself. He will not defend anyone but himself. He maintains no sense of honor because he has no real accomplishment. His father told him all the right words to say but didn't teach him the meaning behind them...
Most of the men I know have never been in a fight. They'll back down from confrontation. They'll never change their own oil. They'll never break a horse in or build anything with their hands. I wonder how many of them could start a fire, hunt, fish, or build a shelter if the Zombie Apocalypse sets in.
They have vestigial inclinations towards manliness, but these are fleeting gestures.
Here's a subtle difference:
If someone opens a car door, they are a gentleman.
If they change a tire, they are a man.
One is the impression of taking care of someone, the other is actually doing it.
A manly action can be done without the charm or grace of a Gentleman, but the chivalrous intention always lends credit towards the initial valor which Gentlemanly Behavior aims towards.
In short: When a man is a Man, he is always, inevitably, a Gentleman. But a Gentleman is not always a Man.
Bottom line is this: ladies, we're on our own. We can't count on our romantic notions anymore, because today's man may have an idea of how to go through the motions, but has forgotten WHY.
The ideal of Man is a forgotten art. Thank God for our soldiers in the Middle East and the crews in Haiti- the Doctors and Policemen and Firefighters and Scoutmasters and Karate instructors. Anyone who can fix something and do something heroic IRL as opposed to XBox Live. Most of the men of today are merely perpetual boys- shells of their Granddads.

1 comment:

  1. I was kind of pissed until I read the very end of this. I did serve in Iraq, and am now going to college because of the time I spent in the Army. But I am a man. Anyone who knows me, will tell you I am a mans man. Sadly I cannot work on my own car, because I have a newer car, and its more computers than mechanical knowledge. But I sure as hell never in my life backed down from a fight, even when I knew I was going to get my ass kicked. Even when I knew we were wrong to invade Iraq. If there is an easy way and a hard way, I take the right way, not caring if its hard or not.

    Where the men really went, is the fact that the hot girls go for the metrosexuals. To "click" in this society you have to either submit to the will of others........not manly in my book. Or stick out. Being different doesn't get you laid.

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