We have a homeless gentleman who lives in the parking garage adjacent to our apartment building. Because he is typically found at his "post," where he likes to pee in his clothes and sing to the recyclable materials he harvests, I like to call him "The Security Guard."
It makes him less scary when I can focus on his dependable nature rather than his bat-shit craziness.
Case in point: at one point in his life, this man was involved in criminal enterprise with a border collie. I know this, because he followed me down the sidewalk recently, exclaiming, "I told that God-Damned Border Collie, I told him, I said, 'one of us is getting the needle- the other, IT'S JAIL FOR LIFE!!!'"
Another time, he was quietly humming to himself while I was waiting for the elevator. Then he spontaneously burst out laughing so violently, I jumped about a foot in the air and dropped everything I was carrying. My microwavable lunch rolled into a puddle of what I can only assume was dog pee. Perhaps from that very same Border Collie...
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